When you were a kid, were you excited to show your parents the trophies you won at school? When you were at work, were you frustrated when your boss criticized your mistakes regardless of your accomplishments? When you went back home late after work, were you worried whether your partner was anxious or angry? Such examples are so common but we do not realize we are living others’ expectations.

You will feel more relaxed and peaceful if you free your life from others’ expectations. It seems sometimes moral bondings force you to tie your life to others’ expectations so you can be a “good person”. However, those moral bondings may actually be moral kidnappings that do not benefit you.

Parents want their kids to follow the life path they designed for them. Bosses want their employees to do everything in their way. Spouses/partners want to own the other half. It is brutal and that’s why it is uncomfortable to think deeply about this. It is not a healthy way to live a life that is controlled in others’ hands.

So focus on our own lives which we have total control of and do not worry about others’ expectations.

At the same time, we are also playing the roles of others and maybe we subconsciously want to control people’s lives. Do you feel disappointed or even mad when people don’t take your advice? Do you feel satisfied when they say “ you are right “ and defensive when they say “you are wrong”? These are signs that we have expectations for others and already designed their life paths for them in our head. The fact is, no matter how we design others’ life paths, no one will ever follow them completely. Their deviation from our design will alienate them and ourselves, and that’s when we start complaining.

To maintain a healthy relationship, we can provide suggestions and guidance but respect others’ choices. We cannot force the horse to drink water.